@benhamill I just got back from one. We had a pre-conference diversity mixer that was run by a queer woman, and it was good and she did a good job, but the queer visibility there was quite minimal.

I think it's just the nature of visibility. It's easy to look past even my rainbow watch strap, maybe think I'm an ally. A separate event would be sweet, something that doesn't detract from the needed focus on women and minorities.

@zigg Would you want to discourage (let's not use "ally" and instead call 'em) non-queer friendlies from going to such a meetup?

I don't have very developed thoughts on this, since I'm super straight-passing and only recently started to question whether my sexuality is broader than straight. So until recently I was definitely a person wearing rainbow stuff "in support" not as a membership identifier (if that makes sense).

@benhamill No, I don't think so at all myself; I want everyone in the door. Plus, there are tons of queers hiding out… well, I get you, but they call themselves allies.

But. If you don't have a clearly queer relationship in tow (which… I never do), how will anyone know unless you go around going "hey! I'm bisexual" to everyone you see? 😅

Maybe that's actually acceptable at a queer meetup, but I'd rather have something more subtle like those pronoun stickers, an assortment of identity flag stickers?

@benhamill And by "you" I mean me in this context, this is literally my experience, nobody knows. Visible signs showing who is safe and who will understand are super important.

@zigg I get you. And I think "you" also means me in that context. Heh. I totally TOTALLY get your point about folks "hiding out" in both the "I am keeping this secret" and "I am hiding this even from myself (or I can't see it, anyway)" senses.

Bi/pan visibility seems hard. Either you're in a mono relationship and so have to explain that that's not the sum of who you are, or you're in a poly relationship and have to explain THAT. 🤷🏻‍♂️ ❓

@benhamill I might make sure I always have appropriately-colored markers on me next time I go somewhere and draw my own flag on my badge

@benhamill _Plus_ I need enough markers so when someone approaches me I can offer use of my marker set so they can draw their own flag

@benhamill Anyway, to respond directly to your point, yeah, it's super hard. Always will be, I'm pretty sure.

I'm gonna pass as straight forever 🙄