Things were going so well
things are going so well, right now! It is because things are going well that I found it! (This is only somewhat true)
haven't used it yet though
spending like a week dreading the moment I fund it again may have had an effect
I don't have to
I don't know that I want to?
but I could
amongst folks mutually complimenting on new styles, whilst outfitted in t-shirt and jeans
I say or imply I'm 'not at liberty' to experiment, but that's not true. I could experiment, but that implies the ability to gather data. I could wear something femme-coded around the house, but for whose benefit?
and so when it comes time to again see seattle's folks, I haven't practiced, didn't leave the house in anything but default, easy, unoutfitted.
dreams, drugs. +?
context: I lost my weed pen again, somewhere between the car and my bedroom, so I'll surely find it again at some point.
Dream: I find the pen, right here lying in bed, and immediately take a hit. I wake back up for a moment.
I feel like this was a test, and I failed.
Or else, this is a test, and my parasympathetic nervous system has just found the sympathetic nerve that likes to use the pen - a behavior that is chemically rewarded every time it executes, regardless of my opinion on the matter.
Later, I am on elysium, fightinng with Odin, the allfather, who is way bigger than me and definitely going to fuck me up. Normally I would be able to call for aid from the gods, but Odin's pissed at me and the others are surrounded by a chain. I have to somehow acquire mjolnir and beat the chain apart to save myself. At the end of the scene I somehow have the hammer and started smashing. The chain is weakening, but has it broken yet...?
Heck I can't even use my phone with both hands without bending my wrist back
I'm not a masochist but there is a voice somewhere inside me that says "wow, yeah, that did hurt. I bet it'd hurt a little less next time though"
Maybe it's a gang. Maybe it became that too.