good gender news!!!!! 

however small the steps i've taken may be in the grand scheme of things

i finally started voice training today 馃槃

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voice training 

i think the thing i'm most excited about in regards to voice training

is finally getting to be a girl in online gamer spaces

like mainly my guild wars 1 alliance's discord server lol

but also like online gaming in general, i can't think of another place i'd be using my voice atm but yeah

because fuck knows if i tried using the right pronouns in my alliance right now it'd turn into a shitstorm

since my voice sounds, well, you know

and people are... well... you know

there are only like four or five big alliances left in guild wars 1, and being in one of them has a shitload of advantages over any of the smaller ones, so it's not like i could just pack up my shit and go somewhere else

unless i wanted to just play alone lol (which i don't)

gender, gaming, voice training, vanta history 

one of the first things that really made me realize i was trans

was playing grand theft auto online

i made my character a girl because the THREE single-player protagonists were ALL men and i wanted a bit of diversity

i'd zip around the map on my motorcycle blowing people up with sticky bombs

and they'd get just a glimpse of me as i passed, and before they died

it always used to feel so good hearing them freak out and say "oh my god what was that? where'd she go?!"

the euphoria was from being good at the game and killing people in such a fun way, but also because they were gendering me with she/her lol

i'd always stay silent so i could revel in it

but i wanted to be able to talk to people AND be perceived as a girl, so

i desperately researched if there was any way i could use a voice changer with my xbox

and when that didn't work i started looking up voice training guides

and ofc the first guide i found was for trans women

gender, gaming, voice training, vanta history 

so needless to say

that was the first moment i had juuuust an inkling that i might be trans lol

gender, gaming, voice training, vanta history 

ofc it wasn't all the time

gamers tend to assume everyone is a man always

but like

it was enough that i started going out of my way to run around silently blowing people up in the hopes that they'd gender me with she/her in voice chat

i actively sought out and tried to cultivate that scenario lmao

EVEN BETTER gender news!!!!! 

i'm not gonna do it til DD leaves for work 'cause i don't wanna wake them up

but like, i woke up this morning with the same fire in my eyes to continue that i had yesterday

i'm gonna do this every day if it's the only goddamn thing i do

good gender news!!!!! 

@vantablack I really need to train my voice, but part of me says "Why, bother?" "You'll never pass", which if I'm honest, without a lot of plastic surgery, my face will always be too masculine

good gender news!!!!! 

@vantablack Get ready to make lots of fun weird noises!

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