"This is the nature of relational trauma. It teaches us that there is something intrinsically wrong with us, that we are fundamentally incapable of receiving love rather than violence. As this belief becomes internalized in our bodies and minds, our ancient, powerful survival strategies come to the fore. We become exquisitely sensitive to threat, powerfully oriented to detect the faintest possibility of betrayal [...] because if we don’t then we might get punished first."

dailyxtra.com/why-are-queer-pe

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I do see a lot of my own behavior in this.. some I've (thankfully) left behind already, but some gut instincts are harder to shed than others. In general, this quote sums up my quite well:

"De-escalation means proceeding from inner security and general good faith — not the naïve good faith that everyone is innocent and trustworthy, but that everyone has the potential to be."

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