Me: I think I'm autistic.
Autistic people: Yep, you totally are.
Allistic people: Don't worry, those weird things you do are totally normal, and you're so high-functioning! I know someone who works with real autistic people and you're definitely not that. You don't want to be one of those people who says they're autistic because it's trendy, do you? Oh, but I'm also weirdly uncomfortable around you for reasons I can't and won't explain.