hello! my name is freya c! i make games and music and writing! my most recent game was about tarot, trans women, and alien abduction, and you may like it! https://communistsister.itch.io/the-tower
Mental health, self-comedy Show more
Measuring my mental state by the number of half-drunk cups of water or chamomile tea on the windowsill next to my bed that I haven't gotten around to bringing downstairs
At a depression rating of 2 mugs, down from a high of 4 over the weekend
discussion of underage sexual activity Show more
The older the get, the more I wonder if I should go talk to a therapist about "the majority of my sex life happened whilst I was underage and now I feel kinda weird about that"
I didn't used to think it had any detrimental effect on things
But now I've gone from "dating is weird because I'm confused about gender" to "I'm pretty stable in my identity now, but I still feel weird"
Like I feel like I'd enjoy dating/sex/etc more if I was a spectator and not consciously me
Discomfort, ace spectrum Show more
The more I try to "date" the more I realise that there is only a narrow set of situations I feel comfortable with any kind of sexual undertones from anyone
And that most of the time it just feels unpleasant and makes me want to hide
Flirty queer internet spaces and men whose conversations at a bar suddenly become very focused on me are both examples of the latter.
I think it's a clash between "this space has implicit consent to flirting" that I don't pick up on
Discomfort, transphobia, male lust Show more
I'm not sure which I find more unpleasant:
The feeling that a man is looking at me with some form of disgust,
Or the feeling that a man is looking / talking to me with lust instead.
When I realise the latter it's like... a cloud that suddenly appears over the conversation which makes my hair stand on end with damp fear
Mild social anxiety Show more
I went to the event later and it was ok
Very busy, and there's a lot of overlap between (this) poly group and folks who are into Burning Man, which, bleh
But there was one trans girl who was there who I didn't know but who greeted me with "hi Freya! You matched with my friend on tinder" which was weird. Bristol is small
Mild social anxiety Show more
I was meant to go to a queer poly meetup today, but the one person I know there couldn't make it til 3pm.
I got to the bar 20 minutes ago, and it wasn't obvious where the meetup folks *were* - both the usual meeting spaces were taken by other groups and there was no sign or anything.
So I blew it off - I'm not going to ask every table in a bar if they're a queer meetup. Drinking coffee elsewhere and reading instead.
Might go back when the one person I know can make it.
Mixed positivity and bad stuff Show more
I had a productive day today:
>3 invoices sent (1 who paid me straight away!
>Sorted some overdue doctor stuff
>Caught up with filmmaker and arranged more work for April
>Shaved off winter body hair
>Ate two solid meals and did washing up
But in the background of my own personal productive day is this... overhanging fog
That the world is bad and terrible events are happening and I am powerless to stop them
Online dating Show more
Someone just matched on tinder and opened with "you have nice ears!", which
Unexpected but I'll take it
Brexit angst Show more
Feels weird doing a load of work preparing for a big launch in the creative sector, due a week after Brexit
Like we can plan as well as we can, but have no idea if the industry is about to have various funding streams completely gutted, if we're going to have licensing issues with EU creators, if people are gonna decide spending £13 a ticket is too much in the face of economic anxiety...
At least we're not a food imports industry I guess........
mental health Show more
welp it's a "curled up in bed depressed and reading a dozen yuri manga whilst thinking I should really get around to making dinner" kinda evening
@coleoptera Lost Histories Jam got a mention on RPS https://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2019/03/09/priceless-play-9-march-2019/
⚧✡☭ small author/musician/cook/game designer. 26. Bristol, UK. Discord: spdrcstl#1108 Twitter: spdrcstl
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