They were wrong because they were having a failure of empathy and imagination
They were projecting onto me their own experiences and couldn’t imagine that perhaps for me it was different
I had truthfully felt euphoric when i thought I’d figured it all out
Thought I’d been a woman all along
It’s simple and there’s something appealing in that
But actually trying it out for size I got dysphoria all over again and realized it wasn’t for me

And here’s the thing
Maybe you are a trans woman
And you’ll do the trans woman thing
And it’ll feel right and it’ll stick
And maybe it won’t
And you’ll be non-binary again
Or both
(You can be both)
Or maybe you’ll never try womanhood and that’s fine too not everyone has to be a trans woman
Because the thing is
Again
Gender is a false construct
To violate male gender norms you are already inherently non-binary no matter what

I’m at peace with the fact that I’m non-binary; but perhaps later I’ll be a woman again, or not. It really doesn’t matter. You’re gonna face transmisogyny either way so you should focus on embracing whatever makes you feel the best about yourself regardless of its proximity to womanhood

Again, I’m a seasoned trans person. I’ve seen lotsa non-binary people who later identify as trans women

And I’ve seen lots who five ten years in don’t

Heck I have mixed feelings but Kate Bornstein but look here’s an AMAB non-binary person who’s been trans longer than any of these trans women saying “non-binary 🙄 see how long that lasts.”

You’re legit
You are how you are
Whether a phase or not
Your present moment however you change and don’t
Is real
And legit
And worth valuing and respecting

Masculinity is a fuck
You’re probably queer I’m guessing
Or got called a fag a lot even if you were straight

Maleness wasn’t For you was it. You felt estranged from it. What is this man thing.
Maybe you tried it out. Tried to be a man. Tried to play this role you’ve been cast in and make everyone happy

But it hasn’t rly been working out
You feel like you aren’t this thing you were meant to be
Because when you’re queer they don’t see you like the “other men”

@shel "I'm a bad 'man' lol" for just shy of 30 years

then

"wait"

@dconley yuuup

Have you watched Queer Eye?
Not every member of the Fab Five gets treated as a man
There’s some gender norms being broken
In media we’ve already behaved all along like certain ways of being make you not a man even if you “are one”

Here’s the thing
When I first started transitioning I was kicked out of the queer community alliance because I was called a cis gay man appropriating transness to ameliorate my male cis privilege

A couple years later I’m on hormones

Here’s the thing:
There’s functionally no way to decide who is really trans and who isn’t when they just start out
Here’s the thing:
Just because you present masculine now doesn’t mean you always will
Or necessarily won’t
Here’s the thing:
There’s more to gender non-conformity than appearances
Here’s the thing:
Gender fluidity and non-conformity has always been a part of queerness even before we invented the word transgender

You have a right to own it

If you’re a “queer man” but don’t feel like a man well society probably doesn’t really afford that to you anyway
You have the full right to just stop with the whole man thing
You have the full right to acknowledge that how you are doesn’t have to mean that you’re a man
You’re you
Something else
And everyone grows
Maybe this is the beginning of becoming more gender non conforming
Maybe not

There’s a double standard really against people like you. Fuck that bullshit.

And here’s the thing
Yes maybe there is an element of male privilege making you uncomfortable
But
1. I don’t think it’s possible to easily separate that from masculinity or maleness making you feel uncomfortable. This is still a desire to not be a man
2. You can acknowledge how the way you’re seen in the world might afford you some privileges of a man without identifying as a man

You don’t have to be a man to be treated like one
You’re still fucking legit to say you aren’t one and that what you are maybe you know it maybe you don’t
But that what you know is it’s not man
Or not entirely man

Because those other trans people who say you’re really a man fleeing male privilege aren’t gonna acknowledge that they were given some male privilege any time someone read them as a man in the past
Maybe not all but some
Why do you think tech sometimes seems like it has more trans women than cis women

Which is to say our identities are not defined for us by what others decide we are and treat us like

If that was the case nobody would be trans.

Gender & biological sex are both bullshit invented by western social darwinists to justify colonialism

We are born as babies and a rough heuristic is used to sort us into a false binary

Some people are better at making peace with their gender assignment than others

Some find peace taking the other gender assignment they weren’t given

And for some that’s not the case
And that’s what being nonbinary is
Really none of us are binary
We just pick a box

@shel or have a box forced upon us

@a_breakin_glass the original boxes are forced
Then there are new boxes try and put you under

Even “agender” is another box you decided you’d feel better ticking

Even cis people are choosing their boxes every day

And yes I made a lot of assumptions in this thread about your feelings and experiences and if I guessed wrong you’re still valid

I’m just trying to speak to the specific stereotypes that were invoked in A Certain Post and what I’ve felt and seen and known to be common feelings of the people who get put in those stereotypes

Some random white trans lady in fucking France doesn’t know more than you about who you are.

@shel I've been lucky enough to not have someone say that kind of stuff to my face, but I've definitely been adjacent to convos where trans women treated non-binary identity like a stepping stone to one's ~true~ gender.

I feel like it's a symptom of a small group overgeneralizing when trying to find commonalities. Like "stripey socks & cat ears & programming textbooks!" being treated as a universal trans girl starter pack

@Kit mmmhhmmmm

@Kit I’ve never had any of those things hehe

@shel Thank you so much for your thread. Seriously.

@shel reminds me of an article I read about the designation "faggot" functioning effectively as a third gender due to stereotypes of gay men as more camp/"feminine"/caring

@a_breakin_glass mmmhmmm!!! I was trying to evoke that. It’s absolutely the case and I feel very strongly about it. Honestly fag is the only word that’s consistently been used to refer to me my whole life so it’s like the word I feel most confident about when describing my gender and sexuality

@shel 💜​💜​💜​

@shel Bornstein was the first person who made me realize that I didn’t have to be one or the other yeah.

@shel I’ve gone back and forth on this for years. I didn’t have the language to express it until recently but it’s definitely NOT a new thing. I’m glad this terminology is now more available.