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my online, enby acquaintance found out that their twin is ALSO trans and now the online Indonesian queer community I am in has a pair of twins who are both trans :D

management consulting 

one of my friends who originally aspired to be an academic had concluded that the whole institution is corrupt and messed up and burning dumpster fire. nothing i haven't heard before.

but well, he has to refocus his ambitions somehow and now it's management consulting, apparently. because mckinsey >> academia or something. 🤔

school,, rape 

got assigned to work on a group project with a rape apologist. epic.

thinking about (non-birth) names 

I do wish I have family elders that would give me a proper Chinese name, though, so that I don't have to give one myself lol. But the "elders" from my Chinese side of the family aren't really around anymore ... Guess I'll just make the best of it, lol. I do feel like being ethnically Chinese is a big part of my identity and history, even if I wouldn't actually use the name.

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thinking about (non-birth) names 

Somewhat recently (probably the last year?) I've been going by as Emily in some parts of the internet, with both online strangers and real life acquaintances, for ... reasons.

And I don't know how to explain it, but Emily slowly starts to feel like it IS my real name, even though I don't feel the slightest bit distanced from my birth name, the one I've always gone by.

Meanwhile, even though I never used it, I still remember the Chinese name I "gave" myself. Even though the process was probably inappropriate - the other Chinese-Indonesians I know would get theirs from family elders instead of giving it to themselves - and I never really used it, it still feels like it's mine. (Well, the family name IS mine, though the fact that I consider it mine is non-traditional since it's from my mom, not my dad.)

And now I feel like I have multiple names in addition to my birth, legal name. Names that still feel real and mine, nonetheless.

relayed

to: all trans people on fedi
from: violet
message: :heart_trans:

relayed

PSA (transphobia meta), please boost 

for the past ~4 days there's been lots of mass harassment of trans people

if you're an instance admin:
- please turn off sign ups, at least until this is over
- keep up with #fediblock

if you're on the list, or just worried:
- lock your account
- in web mastodon:
- preferences -> appearance -> always hide media
- preferences -> notifications -> block DMs from people you don't follow
- in tusky:
- account prefs -> download media previews -> off

the list 

did i just get added to a third list? jeez

the list 

got put into that list despite my bio clearly stating that i'm cis and uhhh i guess i'm glad that (probably bot-generated) creepy list is probably very inaccurate

transphobia 

why do cis people get offended by trans people all the time ... jeez they're the snowflakes

food 

got some nata de coco but they weren't firm at all ... disappointed

i rly appreciate my ta partner he's the best

speaking of TA'ing I think I've made extreme improvements in public speaking because TA'ing forces me to consider carefully how to get information across, loud and clear. also because it'd be embarrassing if I keep hesitating in front of the folks I'm supposed to be teaching.

dressed nicely because I was preparing to TA a class but then I remembered the perks of being a TA is that I don't even have to turn on my webcam :]

nhl teams have the best names tbh

so-and-so lions? so-and-so giants? ok we get it you're powerful and dangerous and--

but what even is washington CAPITALS

sensory disorder, hearing struggles 

hopefully as long as i'm ok with my math stuff this wouldn't really matter in the long run, i am planning to do the math-heavy theory stuff instead of the practical lab stuff anyway, but i'm still hoping this wouldn't come up again ... otherwise i would probably have to talk about it with someone and i Don't want to do That ... i know it's within my right but the idea of confiding that i have hearing difficulties feels humiliating

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sensory disorder, hearing struggles 

went to lab today and did stuff with tools. one of them was one that was supposed to quietly beep when it detected a certain situation; however, i have never heard mine beep, and i thought mine was just a tiny bit broken or something. but i can still detect the things i need to detect just fine by analyzing the quantitative results, so i didn't really worry about it.

today i had used this particular tool with someone else together, and it's only now that i realized ... it can beep just fine. i just can't hear it. it's not surprising because this is far from the first time i struggled with my hearing, but i've learned to live with this disorder for such a long time i usually just pretend it doesn't exist ... but today i am Frustrated

"it's not real it can't hurt you"

complex analysis:

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