everyone's aunty boy, Rhys @ratbaby@cybre.space

i have a ko-fi if y'all found me from that tumblr post maybe consider https://ko-fi.com/bugpaws

my mom got laid off and money is tight, currently trying to find work. i also got a commiss.io page https://commiss.io/rhyspass

i think i just saw the goth metal versions of me and my fiance walk by

I have also seen an upswing in very masc AFAB people (generally between the ages of 15-20) lately, I will make no assumption about if they are cis lesbians, enby, or trans but they all make me incredibly happy because I just want to walk over and touch them on the head and go "SAME HAT"

but it'd be creepy to have a kinda masc 30 y/o boi start going SAME HAT SAME HAT at you so I don't LOL...

More positive thing: I saw some cute older lesbians at the chicken wing place which is not so common in my area. Women who are out, obvious lesbians I mean. Usually they are much younger, college students and the like.

A lesbian couple, one a cute beach bum mom-type; the other kinda butch in dickies and covered in tattoos. They ordered their dinner while the more butch of the two held an arm full of stuff for their pet cat (the petco is next door.)

It made me happy.

I dunno. I dunno what I'm saying at this point. Finding out what happened to Chloe Sagal has sort of fucked with my brain and as a trans person I am so tired of seeing this happen to my siblings in the trans sphere and it's eating away at me inside.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that trans women aren't afforded certain aspects of respect because people often see them as "privileged" in a way that is equivalent to cis people (sometimes even cis men) and it's really fucked up???

and that's the thing, if it wasn't someone who was in such pain, like, a mouthy cis white man, I would have just been like "yeah you shouldn't just ignore them."

But it wasn't. It was a suicidal trans woman self destructing and throwing punches everywhere and people decided it would be better to ascribe 788934585 reasons she was evil than acknowledge she was fucking self destructing and they were feeding into it. This is fucked up.

I SEE THIS HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.

i want to state for the record that I don't think what she did was "okay", that she lashed out in the wrong directions. I understand. That's not an excuse for it, I just understand where that behavior comes from.

I just think that the fediverse reacted disproportionately WRT to a trans woman in pain and the people who told them "hey maybe chill and ignore her."

This was made out to saying people should just "ignore" racism which is what the fuck??? It was an upset trans woman

Lol I'm kind of tired of cis people

Yeah I'm prepared to lose followers for saying anything remotely defensive about someone the fediverse hates.

Zee did some iffy af shit but that doesn't really make it okay the whole thing that came down on her before she left.

Why do trans women always have to be the whipping boy for societal problems?

Yes I'm thinking about Zee a lot again because of what happened to Chloe Sagal. I also watched her blow up and have entire groups of "progressive" people decide to hate her and create whisper campaigns over "abuse" that was her just having too many suicidal meltdowns.

I've watched too many trans woman self destruct in a horrible way and have people find all kinds of reasons to hate them and push them out of the community. This is a constant that happens between communities.

You're entitled to your feelings about suicidal people lashing out or manipulating others - sometimes unknowingly. It happens. I've done it at my worst.

But watching a trans woman on the brink of suicide get reframed as the arm of the angry whites lashing out at black men was fucked up.

Sometime we gotta talk about how a hurting suicidal trans woman having a meltdown got reframed as "abusive white people"

It's a fucking problem.

like how the fuck, like, in what world is it normal that people think there's an "okay" way to be suicidal? like

NOTHING about being fucking suicidal is OKAY

its messy and it hurts and sometimes you hurt other people

why do people think that theres a RIGHT WAY to be in so much pain?

i hate that i ever bought into at any point in my life that there's a right way to be suicidal because it was just a way for me to hate myself more because my pain and meltdowns inconvenienced others

im sorry chloe, wish i stood up for you on twitter more before i lost track, even if i was never a blip on your radar

this......sucks....

and knowing now that someone who i watched get harassed out of queer spaces for not doing so in the "right way" on birdsite is now gone is......... rough