cybre!pamela 🌺 @pmosetc@cybre.space

New Instance, newly-edited #introductions post:

Hi, I'm Pamela! I live by a great lake (well, it's alright). I really love animals and have a pet turtle and cats. I like to learn new things and work with my hands. I like ecology, #STEM, #gameing, #openbsd, books and nature, and I enjoy painting but don't spend enough time doing it.

I have #agoraphobia and write about that pretty regularly, now, as well as my experiences with microwork.

I have found it, the least helpful internet advice about phobias

https://biblicalcounselingcenter.org/overcoming-phobia/

Chest is all locked up again... nice while it lasted. More easy breathing, or try for actual consciousness tomorrow? I have to deal with family things again.

sleep is amazing ya'll
10/10 would try again

aaaaand my resting heart rate is under 80 for the first time in ... uh, like months. yay, magic pills.

There's legitimately bad stuff going on in my life, so I've been putting my head entirely down into work that has a soothing, enthralling quality... simple artwork, editing code, chilling with house cleaning. Calmly attentive.

That helps brain things, but my anxiety is very physical. I've felt like someone is crushing my lungs since Sunday, hurting every time I inhaled.

I finally took a muscle relaxant last night, and it loosened right up. I slept 12 hours. :O So good.

I had to take one of my nearly empty Xanax supply tonight. And finished off the kava.

So.

I did not actually manage to get an update from the ICU. Just ... ran through emergency supplies.

(opsec: not a strength)

ahahahahaha I slept like two hours and wanted coffee and Kurt said he'd take me but I should take a caffeine nap, and then I talked him into picking up a few things while we were out while I sat in the car drinking my coffee and now we're home and I'm bouncing off the walls and don't need to nap! \o/

I don't think I'd ever actually heard the word "sesquipedalian" pronounced before, so of course the first time was Adam Sandler talking to Elmo when I let YouTube roam freely for too long.

I pause
Think about the past in the gloom
The smell of gasoline permeates the room
Everyone has a little secret he keeps
I light the fires while the city sleeps

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KB54p8_wh8

Oh, and there were FIVE doggos at the pet store, and the best was a weimaraner who pulled its owner through a snowy puddle in the parking lot and then wouldn't get into her truck.

Turtle food, cuttlebone and water conditioner obtained. (Random thing on clearance because I've been doing larger water changes with tap water recently. I hope it's the same dechlorinator as aquarium salt, because rather a lot of it splashed décolletage-ward). He's a happy little spoiled boy (19 year old boy!) and I loveses him.

I should get turtlecam running again. :D (He was a cam-turtle for years! Someone sent him a gift box of goodies once :D)

We were playing garbage toter jenga anyway so Kurt grabbed the deposits I'd managed to put out of my range and we're going to drop them off. :D

and I dealt with some trash while the path was safe

I finished Morde's 50% water change (which has nothing to do with mh, he's just cute and it's exhausting) and now I need to go to the pet store because he needs new food soon :( but it's been a good brain day so maybe that'll be okay?

also the power's out and it sucks :P

sleepytime! 👏 💤 happy friday, everyone <3

Pro tip: If there's a chance the new cat litter container is actually an empty one intended for recycling, don't try to change the litter after 1AM.
🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍🌈 🌟

Three day weekend! \o/