mollusc half-empty @octopus@cybre.space

you can't just put 50 blocked tickets on a kanban board and say you're agile*

*actually you can and that's in a nutshell why agile is shit

t-shirt with a gay pride DNA helix and the text:

I Contribute To My Cousins' Evolutionary Success

I try to end my days on a positive note which is why I always stay awake past midnight

*wiggles all tentacles then curls up for add'l sleeps*

wonder what life is like for people who don't need all their PTO for scheduled doctor appointments & unscheduled illnesses

oh and one of the skirts doesn't fit anymore, actually none of my pants/shorts without an elastic do, and the one pair of pants with an elastic waistband had the button pop off a few weeks ago and I had meant to ask mom to show me how to sew it back on today but instead I just played video games (actually haven't done any sewing in years, either, and never got beyond sewing up burst seams on stuffed animals)

I've a few weeks ago I washed my clothes but didn't fold them or put them away, last week I washed just the shirts and then didn't put those away either so I've just got piles of dirty clothes all over my room plus all the stuff in bins & boxes from rhe apartment plus a missed appointment and medical billing that remains unsorted out… I'm a mess, I can't deal with even the passive upkeep of doing nothing

my transition status is that I've bought two skirts and gotten better haircuts (but not since before quarantine so it's a mess now & I'm still anxious about all the hair that comes out every time I shower, which doesn't happen very often…), some (two) fleeting physical intimacy, and if I'm being honest I still don't trust anyone enough to open up to anyone emotionally (am *I* on that list?)

all of the things that were more important to me than getting a job remain undone and I ran out of runway months ago

(*wrote some sample code & unit tests but basically burned all my tolerance trying to get the environment + haskell/purescript working)

there was legit a period in my life when I was doing the autodidact thing, and not just spaced repetition kanji memorization, either. I'd order a round of books & textbooks from amazon & seriously study them — not all of them, but more than half

(some turned out to be above my level, some are just tsundoku'd. I still haven't opened Sorcerer of the Wildeeps or The Timeless Way of Building… or either of the books on voice training/acting…)

the kanji practice was the main casualty of the minor car crash I caused. suddenly being stuck two hours from both my (parents') house and my apartment wrecked my schedule, and after missing three days the built-up reviews just got to be overwhelming. I did eventually start up again, but that didn't last long.)

and then… here I am now. I eventually got treatment for the sleep apnea, except I'm nor wearing it. I can't remember the last time I've read more than a few pages of a nonfiction book. I haven't written a program* in years,

(*not actually true, they have the "wake up in the morning and get out of bed" gear)

I know I had been personally boycotting Steam entirely by… actually I don't remember, might have been partially in response to gamergate

but partially because I had decided that I didn't want to be a "gamer" in the sense of someone who spends hours and hours every week on video games, time spent not improving myself, not practicing any transferable skills, not learning new things, not creating things…

part of *that* is probably gifted child syndrome (is that a thing?) & being constantly told that I had limitless potential, at least within math and science

(and I still do believe that, sorta, in the sense that I don't think that the top AI researchers or theoretical physicists have any* gears in their brain that I don't)

but christmas of that year, after I had lost that job and moved back in with my parents, they randomly gave me a steam giftcard, like $50 or something

I didn't say anything, & just let it sit in a drawer for a few months (?)

but I eventually gave in

I'd need to double check but I think my gw2 account predates me ever getting laid off from a job? (but probably not before I started disintegrating from stress / burnout / sleep disorder / arthritis at that job)

I sort of accidentally-on-purpose re-ignited a gw2 special interest, at exactly the time I need to be focused on job/career stuff

I get that when people make light about 2020 being a hell year or w/e they're trying to cope, & that's part of the origin behind jokes like

GOD: have you finished setting up all the disasters for the 2020s like I asked?
ANGEL: wait, the 2020_s_, like, the for whole decade?
GOD: yeah
ANGEL: I thought you meant…
ANGEL: (clears throat) I mean, yes. Technically.

but

yo

these are not independent random events
these are not acts of god, these are not natural disasters

these are *failures to act*, failures to organize, and, to the extent that "government" is our chosen coordination mechanism, *failures to govern*

humans have known how to prevent and manage wildfires for longer than they've had writing

we've learned a hell of a lot about epidemiology and healthcare over the past 100-250 years or so, and we *have the knowledge* to manage and contain pandemics.

"We" chose not to.

…"we" being political parties actively working to destroy votes and voters (!!) for personal power & gain

idk how much people are talking about it (I'm very deliberately trying to shelter from news)

but in case you, like me, have cultivated a timeline mostly filled with shitposts & people being cute about their special interests,

no, it is *not* weird to be [verb of intensity] about the ongoing police riots, deliberately sabotaged pandemic response ("democide" ?), and actual literal fucking concentration camps happening right now in real life current events

I'm pretty sure if you deny humans timely feedback (aka "instant gratification") past a certain point, you just break their motivational systems & condition them to never take actions, ever

(is that burnout?)

like, oh, you show up to work and immediately receive feedback from friendly coworkers who appreciate your presence? yes, tell me more about how being willing to work years without positive reinforcement is the key skill Kids These Days are missing.

I know people talk about accepting "delayed gratification" as an adult trait and demanding "instant gratification" as a childish one

& in the sense of learning to work in broader time horizons, sure

but in a bigger sense I'm pretty sure that's BS and an awful lot of the people who harp on it can do so *because* they're sufficiently supplied with short-term gratification

yeah this is either a bug in windows, git, or both

I have two windows computers, both mounting our network drive as Z: . Each computer has a git repository on its local hard drive, with the remote "origin" pointing to the same bare repository on the shared Z: drive.

Pushing to "origin" (the Z drive) from either computer breaks the ability to fetch from "origin" on the other computer, with the error message "refs/heads/master does not point to a valid object" (but the file refs/heads/master contains the ID of the latest commit, which seems right?)

trying to come up with an excuse to refer to my it/its friends in the 3rd person to validate them

wait shit