Past, learning, - /+
Being born into and growing up in an abusive and mentally and physically violent family and school, one of the things i worked and still am working hard on is to not reproduce what happened to me and on the mechanisms I developed to cope with that. Not only but specially not to people who are closer to me.
Additionally there are many abusive behavior patterns many grow up in, e.g. DARVO that was tooted about earlier in the fediverse.
It's not always easy to not fall back to patterns like that. Sometimes i feel like i have no other option because I don't know what else to do or how to react. My (possible) ADHD is the cherry on top of the cake here.
I want to work on this forever if necessary. And I'm soooo thankful when someone writes about things like that because there is so incredibly much to learn and do better.
One of my biggest wishes is making others feel safe, appreciated and loved when being with me. There is seriously nothing that makes me more happy than making others happy.
Past, learning, - /+ 2
Maybe partly because i want to do better than my parents.
My abusive mother once told me, when we still were in contact, that no one asks her such interesting questions like i do, not even her husband. I asked her if she is scared of becoming old and to me that was just having a conversation, but to her it was such a special question that she couldn't give an answer.
No one ever teached me that, i developed that myself by just intuitively doing what i think is good and what i would like myself. But don't get me wrong, that's not positive self-appreciation. No, I always felt like raising my mother, not the other way around and that's not how it should be. That also makes you develop bad behavior patterns too. I seriously thought as a child and a teenager that i was adopted. It felt impossible to me that i'm related to those people.
I turned out so much different than them and that makes me happy to the core of my bones.
Past, learning, - /+ 2
Perhaps the most insidious and terrible thing about abuse is that it causes in it's victims the predisposition to abusing the people in their lives in the very same way that they were abused. I've lived it too, and I'm grateful that I've been lucky enough to recognize it and begin to learn to stop doing it.
Stay vigilant my friend, and remember that abuse is not genetic, it is not who you are.
Have a happy Friday! :)