I don't understand the concept of gender. I understand personalities, traits, hobbies, ideas, emotions and thoughts. Gender feels like an unrealistic box you are in which defines what the above is like or about or vice versa. Like a filter or some kind of color blending.
My gender is just me. I don't represent anything and anyone, just myself.
Sure, i stand in solidarity with certain people and groups. Yes, labels are an important tool to find yourself and then to be proud of what you find. I myself have a big trans pride flag on the wall over my bed and i like to look at it and smile. Heck yeah, i'm trans and proud.
Yet the more i dived into these things in the last years the more i realized how unimportant gender is to me. In the same way i realized that i'm pansexual.
I like specific traits and skills in people. Genuiness, openness, tenderness or the ability to get close without getting too close. I also like body shapes and parts and that also changes. I think necks are one of the most intimate and sexiest body parts.
I can't say i like agenders more than genderfluids or butches. What matters to me is what things above match and if we can really meet each other mentally, as beings and intelligences.
Maybe we just can't experience life without such a filter or color blending or whatever. I realize that reality can't ever be directly experienced. Everything i see, hear, smell, taste or touch is constantly being processed and constructed into what i call "reality", but that my brain makes me able to experience it, actually makes it virtual, doesn't it?
Gender, to me, doesn't feel so much different than any other part of personality.
For example, i'm a game developer. Every time i play a video game, i secretly think: "Hm, that's cool. How did they do that? How would i implement that?" and suddenly program code appears in my brain. The same applies to many things in life. When you're into sewing, you might see recyclable fabric and patterns everywhere. When you're into electronics, you realize how simple or complex devices are or can guess how they work.
The same applies to gender. No matter if you're eating, sleeping, socializing, wageworking, choosing clothing or hairstyle or washing the dishes: You do it as an enby, as a butch, as a fluidflux, as an agender...
Gender is a big factor in personality. One that overshines everything else like a color blending changes a picture. What you feel, think and do - all of that defines you and your perception of the world.
And i don't know about you, but i am so much more than just a gender.
Nothing of the above is cut in stone. It's just what i think at the moment, so take it with a grain of salt and not dead serious, nya? 😸
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