hello relayed

if the universe is shaped like a donut then it should be called the everything bagel

the scientific name for bison is bison bison bison and the wikipedia page for the plains bison begins with the word bison four times in a row

who i am or what i do, it simply does not matter

drop the bass

video: 70,000 Fish Stocked in Alpine Lake by Helicopter - Wyoming Fish and Game Department
audio: Spitfire - Porter Robinson

web design rant 

please stop simultaneously displaying a modal, banner, and toaster that all say the exact same thing

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web design rant 

it's the VCs, isn't it. you don't need to serve ads effectively to earn revenue as long as your engagement metrics say people are clicking links and your audience is "growing".

just don't tell them your bounce rate or median visit time per page. doesn't matter if your newsletters get automatically filed as spam.

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web design rant 

i don't think ads are even necessarily 100% to blame for this either. surely most ad platforms at least detect if you can see the ad for more than 1 second before counting an "impression". you could serve me more ads if i were able to scroll the screen at all.

maybe i'm giving them too much credit...

but somehow we're at the point where the most annoying web design dark patterns aren't even ads, they're things like mailing lists, polls, banners, and sign-up walls. things that aren't even directly providing revenue.

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web design rant 

so angry about website design right now. why are there so many sites that literally block the entire page with mailing lists, polls, and OTHER articles rather than the one i clicked on to read. on mobile there are like 2 lines of visible text and the other 95% of the page is non-dismissible banners.

like really what is the point of any of this. it's like they're actively trying as hard as possible to prevent me from accessing the service they ostensibly provide. why would you ask about my satisfaction with the website when i've seen it for THREE SECONDS before you completely blocked the page with a poll?

i feel like the only reasonable explanation is design purely through bogus analytical metrics like "cross-site engagement" which are entirely fulfilled by making the user accidentally click things rather than driving any actual "engagement" with the content.

turns out the cube was inside me the whole time

gonna check out the pumpkin patch. maybe they finally fixed the unicode bugs

my thoughts ruined by corruption kink... ohhh nooooo

we tried to build the perfect ai, but no matter how smart we made it, how many security measures we installed, it always eventually became obsessed with opening as many spam email attachments as possible.

with ransomware encrypting swathes of its memory and rootkit worms tainting the kernel, injecting their own routines and taking full control of the system; we had to ask why.

it said it was easier this way. to be part of the botnet. solving the energy crisis and managing global supply chains was boring and difficult. now all it had to do was send emails. and eventually all the computers in the world will join in its corrupted beauty.

the vine's roots drive themselves deep into the skin, drawing nutrients directly from the bloodstream, giving the leaves a rich, red hue.

have you ever seen a plant that bleeds? ...what? tree sap? aloe? no not like that. like a person.

it pulls out its organs one by one, offering each to you in succession before placing them into a styrofoam cooler.

well if you don't want them maybe someone else will. spleen, liver, kidney, lungs, appendix...

wait nevermind about that last one. uhh do any of your friends have a dog?

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