hi, i'm from the internet and i only want to read reviews that consist of uncritical, effusive, loquacious praise for things i've already decided i want to like; and malicious, hypercritical, censorious denunciations of things i've already decided i don't want to like. that way i get the satisfaction of being validated without ever actually having to think. thinking hurts my head and it just wastes time that could be better spent playing video games.
if you DO think, you're clearly part of a conspiracy of people who want to make me feel bad about myself for not thinking, so it's okay for me to send you death threats. there are only two categories of thing in the world: good and bad. you made me feel bad about not thinking, so you deserve it.
thank god i'm a white male between 18 and 35 so everyone realizes how important it is for me to have a platform to send death threats to people who make me feel bad, because free speech. i love the internet.