matt bluelander 🏴 @matt@cybre.space

I have no idea what it means or how to react when someone says how much a baby weighs

Am I supposed to act impressed, or concerned? I guess I should study a table of average baby weights by year so I know whether the number is high or low. But even then, I wouldn't know what to say.

"Can you believe it? Forty-five pounds!"

"Wow! I wish I weighed the equivalent of that for a six-foot-tall adult, got any tips?"

"It's impossible to make a web browser because we have to pay too much money to make it a DRM streaming video player" https://blog.samuelmaddock.com/posts/the-end-of-indie-web-browsers/

So... uh........... don't

I'm not worried about the future of the web, because a web site is a document with text and pictures that links to other documents with text and pictures, and whatever version of Firefox I use will always be able to do that just fine. What a bunch of billionaires want to pay a bunch of millionaires to pay a bunch of hundred thousandaires to do with javascript is of no concern to me

If the band Blood On The Dance Floor ever goes on tour in France they can call it "Blood On The France Tour"

"Friends" is such a shockingly generic title for anything it's hard to believe it's real. It's like if there was a popular romance novel called "Romance", or a western TV show called "Cowboys"

What do you mean the show "Friends" isn't about quakers. What else would it be about

I had a dream that there was a Megaman X boss called "Flamenco Flamingo". It's a dream that I had while I was awake, and am continuing to have right now

My microsd card reader broke. Guess it's time to pay a visit to The Small Community Store That Sells Small Cheap Things You Only Need To Buy One Of Every Five Years

Oops, I forgot, that store can't exist because of the perfect infallible efficiency of capitalism. Guess I'll have one (1) five dollar item shipped 8000 miles to my door

It's not an oxford comma unless it comes from the Oxford region of France, otherwise it's just a sparkling pause

Are there any current live action non-serialized dramas that aren't cop shows, medical shows, or medical cop shows

The two genders:
1. Have gun
2. Will travel

Writing a salacious tell-all biography about the life and scandals of the football coach Tom Landry. It's called "Dirty Landry"

There are so many English syllables that are difficult for Japanese speakers to pronounce, and we can't even do them the courtesy of pronouncing their syllables correctly

Like, they have 1% the number of syllables that we do and we can pronounce almost all of them no problem, we just can't be bothered. "Carry-OHkee". Pathetic

*Schulz

Charles Schultz: Hi, I would like for you to publish Lil' Folks, which will become the most successful and beloved newspaper comic of all time. In exchange you can make eleventy bajillion dollars from my work despite doing nothing but having enough capital to show it to a lot of people

Publisher: Ok but it's going to be called "Peanuts", because fuck you

Willem the foe