matt bluelander 🏴 @matt@cybre.space

Wait, the Gamecube has four controller ports but only two memory card slots? How are all 4 players supposed to import their Beach Spikers: Virtua Beach Volleyball career data? You think me and the lads are gonna gather around the Zenith and unwind with some cold ones and knuckle-whitening volleys if only two of us are leveling up our floaters? In this gamer's opinion, it's more like the *tame*cube

Are there any skyrim mods that make the game feel good to play, or is it all just enhanced breast physics and adding dozens of new eggplant cultivars?

wtf, an android program I actually paid money to upgrade to the premium version just nagged me to rate it. You want me to write you a sonnet and give you a handjob while I'm at it? Sheesh

Say every word as if it's the one word God himself has demanded you must not say

All humans are born with a critical weak point, a 1mm spot somewhere on their body that, if stabbed with a needle, will cause them to die instantly. This is why acupuncture causes a flood of endorphins: your body's primal subconscious knowledge that you are dancing on the precipice of death

I only have two critical vulnerabilities: the enemy taking advantage of my weak point, and explosions

French bread, or as they call it in France, "Les Berêade du Fransciouxes"

"Worms and seeds, yum chirp cheep"

- If AC/DC were birds

Found it https://www.instagram.com/p/B8A0Kq1lTkK/

Does anyone have the meme that was going around a bit ago where it's a sailor moon character saying "that's my friend you're talking about" or "don't be mean to my friend" or something? It must be more localized than I thought, because I can't find it with any amount of searxing. I really liked the composition and font work in it.

My programming background? Well, I can use any type of gem to control any type of snake, but most of my experience is with Perl and ASP

As far as memes go, "shave all of the hair on your lower face except for a small part that you leave there for some reason" has a surprising amount of longevity

This bonus level in Doom 64 Retribution is pretty cool

A little coliseum where you can watch the final boss of Doom 64 fight the Cyberdemon

Whoever wins, I lose https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g445xVXJ79w

I saw a guy streaming old Doom games and every time he reached a new level, he would restart so that he spawns in with nothing but a pistol. He thinks "the designers intended the levels to be played from a pistol start"

Which is bullshit. They designed the levels so that they CAN be finished from a pistol start, because they have no idea how many resources the player will be going in with, but they obviously didn't design it to be played that way because

1. If they intended you to start every level with just a pistol, then you would start every level with just a pistol. You wouldn't have to restart the level to make this situation happen artificially

2. There are plenty of situations where they give you a bunch of ammo and health right before a level's exit, and if they were designing the levels for a pistol start, there'd be no reason for that stuff to exist. They clearly intend for you to carry resources from level to level

I love this series but I hate how it brings out the dick-waggers

"It is possible that the mandibles may have been selected as secondary sex characteristics used by females to evaluate males during courtship. Males cannot use these mandibles to bite because they are too long; on the other hand, females have short, heavily sclerotized mandibles which enable them to deliver powerful bites when threatened."

Pssht typical males, all mandible and no bite

Social distancing mental health status: I reinstalled Eden Eternal

Birds? Ah you mean my acoustic theremin

Just saw the word "blancmange" in a book and remembered the only other place I've encountered that word, the blancmange episode of monty python

What the fuck was that

Damn. An authentic video game barrel

Fans of salt & vinegar potato chips also enjoyed:

- licking 9-volt battery terminals