matt bluelander 🏴 @matt@cybre.space

Some ice cream salesmen from Vermont are very confident their product is so much better than my local creamery that it's worth shipping hundreds of miles. I see it in my grocer's freezer every time I go. I've never even *been* to Vermont.

Greek on my mom's side, bio-engineered spider monster on my dad's side, our family get-togethers get—a little hairy.

Listen here, copper. You can't fool me, see? I know what you really are. You're practically all zinc. 97.5% zinc, to be exact. That's right, I got your number. No zincer's gonna get the best of me

Bodyguard: hey you can't come in here! This is matt's private chamber! What's the secret code number?

"Uh... 12345?"

Bodyguard: Cool, matt never told me the secret code number, so I guess that must be it. Welcome home, matt!

A bicycle built for two. Three skateboards taped together. A quadraunicycle. The pentafarthing. Six jerks on a pogo stick. The septway. Inline skeights.

If other comic book characters followed the "material/job" convention of the Silver Surfer:

Mr. Fantastic: Rubber Dad
The Thing: Rock Astronaut
The Human Torch: Fire Superhero
Thor: Flesh God
Venom: Slime Costume
Sandman: Sand Man

Demi Moore, Qrtr Moore, Gravija Moore

Blue Oyster Cult didn't seem all that upset about the fate of Tokyo. Would it kill you to emote a little, fer christsakes. That's like 9 million people killed

I got a lot of milage out of that footage; one for every 5,280 units of footage, to be exact

Ah, my favorite erotic cookbook, Masters of Meringue

Whoa the flipper zero crowdfund is active. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/flipper-devices/flipper-zero-tamagochi-for-hackers

$120 is more than I can justify on a toy, but I hope it's successful and not fake. I'm sure there's not a big profit margin on that, if it does everything it says, I'm just not knowledgeable enough for it to be more than a fun novelty, but if it's real, it's cool

It's interesting that "spam" has become a synonym for something unwanted and universally despised by all humans while still not really diluting the trademark any? I figure people's opinions about Spam brand luncheon meat are pretty much where they were 30 years ago. It's almost like people's ability to contextualize homonyms still applies to registered trademarks 🤷

"Get thee to a cannery" - Spamlet

"You got a problem?
I got a problem solver
And his name is revolver"

Revolver Ocelot? I dunno, that dude seems kinda incompetent

This empty bag of Delicious Bag would make a fine sock for the colder of my two feet

Some people must have an innate ability to look at a 4:3 image that's been stretched to 16:9 and, like, automatically apply on-the-fly distortion compensation in their heads so it looks normal to them. That's gotta be the only reason "stretch" is even an option for 4:3 media on modern displays, right? Cause some people can do that, and it's not unbearable for them to look at? I'm jealous

Been in the mood for a good PS2-era shortish action-adventure game like Maximo or Jak and Daxter or Castlevania: Lament of Innocence, and I'm not finding a whole bunch on the Gamecube, which is surprising. I guess I could give BG&E a try? Maybe Starfox Adventures, but I don't know how much ship stuff is in that. Hopefully not much.

Like most people, I never had a Gamecube, but I've come to appreciate it for it's perfect emulability. It's really cool to be able to play these games in a quality equal to or better than the original. I wish PS2 emulation was this good.

Dolphin's an extremely solid way to play the best fighting game, it turns out

Face-blasted by a pugilist's mitt?! I was expecting jolly clown surprise!