I have an appointment for an outpatient psych intake this Saturday. Hopefully this is the start of me getting better.

You ever realize that you're not a person? That you don't actually have an identity and everything you are is a way to force people to be close to you because you can't fucking stand being alone? That there's nothing real or authentic about who you are?

Yeah, me neither.

Lindar relayed

sui, neg 

Am I beautiful?
Sexy? Cute? Handsome?

Do I have value?
Am I worthy of attention?

Should I lose weight?
Gain weight?

Am I too masculine?
Am I enough of a girl?

Is this how you be butch?
Does anyone even want a butch trans girl?

Lindar relayed

** Tomorrow is April first, and many places have traditions of invented news stories designed to trick people.
If you're thinking of posting one, please consider that people are worried and anxious, and ask yourself if you really need to do an April Fools this year. **

Just finished my workout for the day and instead of feeling good I'm just kinda depressed. What the fuck is wrong with me? Ugh…

Apparently all the fitness nuts foresaw their gyms closing and panick-bought every dumbbell, kettle bell, and anything else heavy they could find, because I can't find a single store that has weights in stock, Amazon included.

I count myself very lucky I get to wake up next to this girl as often as I do. 💙

I really want to link my NSFW because I'm proud of the things I'm posting, but I also don't want it tied to my main account because of antiquated notions of "professionalism" and how it could be used against me to impact my ability to hold a desk job.

People who report sex workers on deserve a broken nose and I stand by that.

sadpost 

Watched "But I'm a Cheerleader" and legit bawled my eyes out. Ugh.

I lost my fucking iLok even though I swear I know exactly where I put it, so fuck using Pro Tools ever again, I guess?

I care about recording and mixing, but I do a LOT of sequencing, so maybe it's time to switch DAWs?

Would love recommendations/feedback.

In case you didn't know, I'm starting to do pornography. If there's anything you'd like to see a 6'4" 200lb semi-muscular trans woman do naked now is the time to DM me and let me know.

I'll post links to things once I have content up.

depression, meds, + 

I had a date with Tam today! We ended up spending a while on her island chilling out, and then I invited her over to mine. I just got the museum unlocked, but hadn't actually gone inside yet, so I thought it'd be a cute date activity.

I was not even prepared for how beautiful the new museum is. Tam and I must have spent like half an hour or more just wandering around the exhibits and enjoying how beautiful everything is.

All said we spent like two hours playing and then another hour just catching up on the phone. It was so nice to have such a positive interaction with my recent ex.

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