kinsey ☭ @kinsey@cybre.space

as a socialist i believe that nothing should be privatized, but it's especially unforgivable for the provision of the fundamental building blocks of modern human existence (food and water, housing, clothing, sanitation, medicine, electricity, communication, education, etc.) to be controlled by corporations whose ultimate reason for existence is the accumulation of profit. the transfer of all such services to community-accountable public ownership is a pressing immediate demand.

I'm gay

i guess i'm also just not good at asking for help when i need it. it's so easy to just fall back on my default of keeping my feelings and worries to myself, withdrawing and just giving up. ugh.

i was seeing a therapist for a while who i really liked and i felt like i was finally starting to make progress on a lot of things. then i missed one too many appointments and as per clinic policy i was dropped. i'm still struggling to pick up the pieces from that

over the past year or so i've gradually lost just about everything that allowed me to feel even a little in control of my life. i wrecked my car, simultaneously losing my means of transportation and my source of income (my job depended on having a car), and once the insurance money that i lived off of for a few months dried up, i lost the last bit of money i had to my name. it's so easy to just feel like giving up. i don't want that to be my default but i just feel so powerless.

i have so many sources of stress in my life right now and it's so easy to just fall back on my default pattern of giving up, laying down in bed, occasionally doing things to try to distract myself from how fucked it all feels, but i want to get better. i want to get better but i have no idea how or even who to ask for help and i just feel so trapped

hell, probably a big reason why i feel so little rapport with my current and past psychiatrist(s)/stimulant-prescribing doctors is because i've never gotten the impression that "hmm, might there be a giant glaring hole in the holistic treatment plan for ADHD here?" has even crossed their minds. it's always just been
"so how's the medication going?"
"good i guess"
"cool, here's your prescription for this month"

and i'm not sure what the answer is bc even when i was on Adderall i was still kind of a mess, just not this bad. medication is just part of treating ADHD, and i've never really gotten the therapy that's supposed to accompany it so it's always been hard to tell whether it's actually helping that much because i still struggle a lot from so much of the necessary elements of treatment being missing.

there's this place i'm considering switching to for my psychiatry that also provides therapy and a bunch of other resources/services, and it'll be free bc i have no insurance. but the kicker is that they also have a policy of never prescribing stimulants. so the question is, should that be a deal-breaker? where is the line between "oh, it's withdrawal, it'll wear off eventually" and "maybe i do need this medication after all?"

if i've been off Adderall for 4 months is this constant tiredness still "withdrawal"?

i really don't know whether going back on stims would be a good thing for me at this point but i feel like it's only ever been with the help of stims that i've been able to achieve some semblance of being Functional

if it's just addiction isn't feeling awful when i'm not on the drug supposed to stop eventually?

i've been out of my antidepressant for the past 4 days, that's probably part of why today feels weird

finally got @FantasticalDreamer to watch The Princess Bride last night with me so now she can get all the references. also what a good fucking movie. it's been a while since i last saw it and experiencing it again was Extremely Good Shit

did @wintgenstein block me?????? why