My kid’s school sending out a YouTube video of morning announcements every day that includes the pledge of allegiance feels like some seriously dystopian shit given the circumstances.

Tom Holland and Jake Gyllenhaal might be able to put a shirt on while doing a handstand, but I’m eating Doritos, so I win.

[timer alarm goes off]

Me: HEY SIRI, SHUT UP.

[timer alarm stops]

Me: Well, I feel like an asshole now.

A friend of mine is spending his Saturday scouring eBay for face masks and reporting them for price gouging.

Dude’s a hero.

I’m wondering how I could automate such a thing.

Not gonna lie: I’d commit a felony to get some good boneless wings right about now.

Here’s a stupid thing:

At my local Buffalo Wild Wings, I was given the nickname The Scorpion King because I repeatedly came in and ordered their scorpion pepper wings and ate them without issue.

I miss Buffalo Wild Wings.

We’re out of mac and cheese. My youngest loves mac and cheese.

10 million people filed for unemployment over the last two weeks and yet the Dow closes today up nearly 500 points. Nothing makes sense.

Our dog has decided that toilet paper is her new favorite snack and NO DOG NO NOT NOW.

uspol 

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Cybrespace

Cybrespace is an instance of Mastodon, a social network based on open web protocols and free, open-source software. It is decentralized like e-mail.