sigh

when i was a child i used to obsessively read books all the time. now i can't focus on like, a short technical paper even

being plagued by the bigge impostor syndrome in my field/career despite still being in uni

really hard to motivate myself to do stuff, easier to follow directions since that's all i ever did

got so used to not putting effort into anything that now i struggle to do literally everything ever

suddenly obtained big communism and also big gay upon being in uni

i'm filling in the meme cause why not

ok here's the biggest fucking mood i like am still plagued by obsessively needing to be the literal best at things and if there are people that seem even slightly better than me i get upset and mega hate myself even if it literally doesn't matter

(so i get upset and hate myself a lot, basically)

@dragon seems to be a big mood here huh

@haskal "You're so smart! Gifted! So of course you can do everything with no problems or you're a /total failure!/ Also of course you can do social stuff, everyone can do social stuff, and you're /smart!/"

[disclaimer: we have never been in a gifted program ourselves]

@haskal gifted programs

aka

fast track impostor syndrome development

@acciomath mood

@haskal “you’re special because [reasons related to your ability to demonstrate (teacher’s ability to perceive) x]” => if I struggle with x, I’m a fraud

@acciomath @haskal my grades did a nosedive after that shit

but also i was neurotic so it's hard to blame one thing

@acciomath mood

@haskal moods all ‘round

@haskal You've literally described me.....

@invis i felt like this would be pretty relatable on this webbed sight

@haskal This... is /too relatable./

We can't really read books anymore either...

also struggling to do anything ever...

/and/ we blossomed upon hitting college ourselves.

@haskal We hit... way too many of those.

D'you happen to have a blank version handy by any chance?

@IceWolf https://i.redd.it/5mwgyhh3meq31.jpg

@haskal /Whf./

@haskal I get this. I was never part of a gifted program, I actually did pretty poorly in HS. But, at one point a counselor "tested me for adhd" (it was just an IQ test) and said that I didn't have adhd, but could have scored higher if I paid more attention to the test. I was dumbfounded.

@haskal I also get the struggle with uni (went to cc, transfered and still have bad grades). Impostor syndrome sucks but some things that help me are:
1. Being accepted means, I DO have a reasonable chance of success
2. If some other ppl around me are so much better than me then they're the losers (though that's not the case the other way around!)

@julio @haskal LMAO WHAT

@haskal

@haskal there are like 9 things on that whole damn square I don't hit

@haskal there should be a slot that says "helps friends get As, but gets Cs", probably in the depression category :/

@haskal I did this meme before but I think it was on birdsite

mind sharing the template?

@luna https://i.redd.it/5mwgyhh3meq31.jpg

@haskal I have 90% the same as this chart

@haskal what "fixed" my inability to read was starting to read books out loud together with my girlfriend

@amandag hmmm but what if i have a boyfriend :0

@amandag (sounds like a good idea lol)

@haskal it's also the perfect excuse to lie and snuggle together

@amandag sounds lovely but idk if excuses are usually needed :P

@haskal also I just ran across this thread again which I last saw a couple of months ago that's about exercising focus, it's really good, I can strongly recommend it
https://snouts.online/@Colophonscrawl/104134608761271195

@haskal
GG: *offers hug or hug-sentiment*

@haskal check, check, check, check, check

@haskal same except I never got to uni because stress/depression whoops

@flop same,