Going over-time on my CampGND talk and then going down discursive rabbit holes during the Q&A made me realise that I can’t keep myself bottled up the way I do and I need to share more, even if I don’t necessarily see any logic in it.
To me, sharing the things I do with a wide audience feels self-defeating sometimes because it says that the action needs validation. At the end of the day, as much as I hate to admit it *I* need the validation because I have no sense of perspective on myself so the hard work comes with very limited reward.
So I’m going to try to share more. This is scary because the prospect of being judged by strangers terrifies me but the actual act of it I can take on the chin.
Channelling tj: Most people don't care enough to judge you.
From me: You can always tell who the real dipshits are, by their judging people on things which have no negative impact on anyone.
Always good to hear from you.
@Midder Thanks man, I appreciate that sentiment because I very much agree with it.
I know, logically, that it doesn't matter. Anxiety and paranoia are interesting beasts.
Yea, I get the same when exposing aspects of myself in public. hart rate rises, you tense up, and my brain becomes a little more foggy. There are musicians I know who have been playing for decades and still feel sick before getting on stage, even in front of small audiences.
@Midder Mine's kind of a niche paranoia - I worry about some as-of-yet-unknown person taking great offense at some aspect of me, misunderstood or otherwise.
The dumb thing is that I can handle it when it *actually* happens, it's the prospect of being perceived to "get it wrong" or "be a bad person".
It's real dumb shit and I have to work hard not to succumb to it.