ensign baby face @coleoptera@cybre.space

I posted this on my old .social account but I am still "relating strongly to brian wilson's powerful depressed thot/lifestyle gemini/milkshake goth looks"

probably best that I don't get a job anyways because if I have to act like I respect any of these people I'll probably eventually spew or something

So yeah there's like, the real look at my "finances" lol the apparent value of everyone saying my writing is great, my research area is important and overlooked, doing internships and volunteer work to build up a basis in all kinds of institutional admin work, doing a ton of workshop facilitation and exhibition projects, getting my dissertation favorably evaluated by one of the most cited researchers in the field, etc, etc, is feeling like I have no actual skills and am functionally unemployable a year and a half later

And working full bore at pursuing freelance work as well has gotten me, what? like maybe £1000 in highly unpredictable bits and pieces since the beginning of the year? There's no context in which I'm worth anything to anyone apparently

I'm so tired of being unemployed and basically have been treated so shittily by every interview process that I basically am unable to forsee like any sort of future where I "get" a "job"

Feels like the interview went well!! If they go with someone else I feel like they just have to have found someone else with my hyper specialized experience that is maybe smarter and doesn't awkwardly talk with their hands so much. Made burgers for dinner to celebrate and for some reason they kinda fell apart??? but were still tasty. Trying not to read this as a ominous portent about how this situation will pan out haha

Also have to plan what to wear so I don't wear the same Professional Outfit I did the first time lol.... but I haven't needed more than one for months

Second round interview this week (On Tuesday) making and practicing the presentation component tomorrow is my main task (in addition to my usual job board sweep and potentially a short call about the production freelancing I'm doing)

Wrote a bit more about some observations about dominant vs useful (to me) approaches to games criticism/history that I dashed off on priv a few days ago https://hotelpaintings.neocities.org/posts/2021-04-18-Introverse_and_Extroverse_Works.html

my CCOS piece is finally up! look for the detail that reveals when I'd actually written it https://www.rockpapershotgun.com/returning-to-the-catacombs-of-solaris-perspective-maze-and-nascent-artsport

whatever... tomorrow is pizza friday

the weird cult of editor respecting honestly kind of pisses me off bc they've been nothing but hurdles and gatekeepers ime but we have to act like the people who fumbled themselves into major roles at notoriously scrupulous gaming, tech and culture sites are like some sort of wise mentor figure... yeah yeah, just fucking run my shit and pay me or tell me to piss off

So, one of my pitches got sat on for a month before an editor even got back to me. Another editor has been ghosting me for a week and then two weeks after I sent a full draft in. And a third project we're trying to get the funding for ghosted us on emails for two weeks and now says they can't get the money to us until early May. How is like, any of this acceptable.

This baffling passage in a recent Rhizome post... is payola right? There's no reason except NFTs having a vested interest in coming across as some groundbreaking new digital art thing that the mode of display for almost all social media profiles and portfolio sites would be framed as "exemplary" in the context of other online exhibition approaches

https://web.archive.org/web/20160404122553/http://lichenlovers.org/lichen_growth_formula.phtml

Videogames are a solitary and automatic tool that provides set feedback that can act on your audiovisual perception, perception of time and perception of language. Boardgames are a manual apparatus for having an excuse to fool around with people you like and should be gotten out of the way as soon as possible