Em // ꙮ @coleoptera@cybre.space

I posted this on my old .social account but I am still "relating strongly to brian wilson's powerful depressed thot/lifestyle gemini/milkshake goth looks"

Shy Radicals is... bonkers but also amazing

My MGS ships are VKaz, BossEva and StrangeBoss thanks for asking

so what I'm saying is the main thing that helped me was being in the MGS fandom in my early 20s with a bunch of other women in their 20s lol... there are no men in the MGS fandom

as a teen anyways... I mostly disliked the sexual content I encountered because it was porn pop ups or guys on forums figuring out I was a girl and being weird about it or worse. I would look up sex ed stuff or read smut sometimes but it wasn't particularly more compelling to me than other stuff most of the time... and there was literally no affirmative information on bisexuality as like... a thing that was possible

someone passing around a research survey about it reminds me that I don't really have the typical "fandom was a great place where I learned about sex/discovered my sexuality" type narrative that scholarship about fandom which takes a super-celebratory tone tends towards.

looks like I may be a backbench longlister for the other role I've applied for, since I saw someone say they had received a rejection for what probably was the same job. This is fine, I guess. It's an ideal job for me on paper but I really do not want to move to where it is. My ideal at this point would be hopefully doing the postdoc research for the rest of the year after defending and then have something that would let me stay in glasgow when I finish that. :////

I'm sorry, but is that really more important than people who have been through messy, confusing, unflattering stuff actually feeling like there's a work they can relate to or enjoy or see their experiences in? or creators having the freedom to tell their own stories?

Like, the other side of this blanket denunciation of indie projects for one wrong thing is the eternal patience with companies like Blizzard no matter how many times they step in it. The anxiety seems to be that we'll lose like... the amazingly developed and unique Tracer Overwatch if people are making insufficiently progressive indie games. Like, the criticism is always centered around the assumption that a non woman or lgbt person will play the game and "get the wrong idea!"

But the way that these arguments pan out, just zooming in on a specific character or event as an instance of "bad representation" by a set of rules, rather than taking into account the author's goals and larger themes of the work, ends up serving this end. It feels like this critique is mobilized as a way to work out "rules" for the non-women/lgbt/indie people making games to follow to just "get" good representation.

What does this mean? What are we worried about when we do this? One thing I keep coming back to is the idea that indie games are, rather than "independent production" seen as an R&D zone for mainstream games. I think most ppl who participate in this kind of "criticism" would deny that they do it with the motive that, if we tolerate too many games where the main character is alternately, a manipulative and messy lesbian then the representation in the next dragon age or w/e will be bad

....being what is considered generally "positive" or "good" "representation." Not that I'm saying banish all cute/cosy/comfy/whatever games. (That's next week's thread... lol) but that this is a hugely limiting idea of what "representation" is! Stories where "bad" or "wrong" things happen, characters are scumbags, etc, reliably can expect to get a snarky quote tweet or waypoint piece detailing how they're "problematic" which is... often the bulk of the press they'll get at all. lol

More "interestingly," I feel like this tendency has led to stories where A) The main character is meant to be someone the player "identifies with/as" or "has empathy" for, B) This character is fundamentally "good" or tends to do the "right" thing, and makes up for a few superficial flaws/mistakes if anything and C) while not a blood and guts violence or rescuing the princess power fantasy, is still fundamentally affirming in a power fantasy type way

I think the attempts to hold women/lgbt/indie creators to a "higher standard" often play out in misogynistic/homo/bi/trans-phobic ways, and also just handwave worse stuff made at corporate scale because you can't like... personally nag the person responsible for it. Often they don't have the resources to distance themselves from this. And of course the "model minority" type pressure that mainstream creators wouldn't face. But I feel like this argument has already been well overdone

So, it's kind of become a thing that people regularly either complain that "we hold women/lgbt/indie creators to higher standards" or alternately assert that it's good we "can" "hold women/lgbt/indie creators to higher standards" and I've been thinking a lot about what that means specifically in the context of videogames. In general, I'm more on the complaint end of things!

Please take the shot if I ever publicly refer to my partner as "hubby"

What sort of change does it represent when someone you thought you knew does such a thing

I really hope the Australian post doc comes through so it's a matter of temporarily living there rather than making a permanent move out of Glasgow 😫

Someone submitted custom HL2 maps to the jam which is amazing, but I have NEVER owned a copy of HL2 so like... what do i do lmao