It's no reflection on trans folks, but I hate being labelled cis. Don't identify as that, don't want to. Apparently saying that makes me a bigot, despite the fact that a chunk of my work is specifically supporting LGBTQI folks. Derp.

@Witchsmeller I know a lot of people who don't like the words cis and trans for themselves, and some of them their gender matches the one they were assigned and some of them it doesn't.

But if your gender truly is the same as the one you were assigned at birth, being grouped with other cis people is appropriate. If you don't want to be grouped with other cis people, perhaps you are in fact trans?

@Witchsmeller But if your gender is truly the same as the one you were assigned at birth and you don't want to be grouped with other cis people... Yeah, you're no ally.

@cassolotl Have you thought that maybe I don't want to be grouped or labelled at all?

@Witchsmeller That's something that's common to cis and trans people in approximately equal amounts, I think! But if the gender you were assigned at birth is the same as your gender, you AT LEAST share many experiences with cisgender people - in the same way that you share experiences with other people whose gender is the same as yours, other people born in the same area as you, people who speak the same language as you, etc.

@Witchsmeller If you reject labels like "English-speaker" and you don't identify with the gender you're usually grouped with (even though you admit that you experience that gender) and you don't identify as [birthcountry]ian and so on, then it's not about trans/cis, and there is no need to mention that one incongruence specifically, right? But when you do mention that one incongruence specifically, it comes across as bigoted.

@cassolotl The thing is, it's only in this instance where I'm called a bigot for not using it, even though I wouldn't use the others either.

@Witchsmeller This instance like, when talking about not wanting to be called cis? I imagine that's because there is a BIG difference in power and experience between being cis and being trans. And, I think people have said "I don't feel cis" while having a cis experience quite a lot, so it's rubbing it in trans people's faces - we "don't feel cis" a LOT more than you, right? We get beaten, murdered, evicted, fired for "not feeling cis", so hearing a cis person say that is very dismissive.

@cassolotl Yep, I completely understand this. It could well be that I simply haven't understood how me being identified as cis actually assists, but thanks for this.

@Witchsmeller I guess it assists first of all by acknowledging that trans people have a much worse time of it just by being trans! And then after that it gets more complex. Part of being a good friend to trans folks is acknowledging that you have a lot of privilege just by accident of birth, sort of thing. It acknowledges that we exist in a transphobic system that you benefit from in a way that we don't. Among other things.

@cassolotl Yep, I hear you. However, if someone expects me to change with zero explanation, and calls me a bigot for not simply jumping to attention, well that's an issue. More of an approach problem than anything.

@Witchsmeller When you know the full story behind that approach problem, it makes a lot more sense. I think probably saying "I don't like to identify on the cis/trans spectrum but I acknowledge that I share experiences with cis people and I have a lot of privilege as a result" would probably help a lot!

@cassolotl Now that I agree with every single word. Actually nearly everything you've said I agree with, but having a conversation is a much more pleasant route to enlightenment, if you get me.

@Witchsmeller I totally do get you! It is really hard though because there's that whole "the marginalised people should not be burdened with the task of enlightening the oppressors" thing, which I do agree with, and I also agree that trans people have a right to be angry with cis people who don't get it or who are accidentally transphobic (which happens often, like, all day every day, we live in a transphobic world - anger is a healthy response!).

@cassolotl It could simply boil down to me, but if I'm walking away with this feeling and I'm very "you be you, and I'll celebrate you for it (unless you're a fuckwith racist/scummo type" how must it be for other people less concerned?

@Witchsmeller I reckon that's not our (trans people's) problem! Like, if ignorant people have a bad experience with trans people and they leave being like "wow they were awful", the problem might be that they generalise based on their experience instead of trying to understand why. Which is a fairly normal human reaction also! And the best thing is when cis people teach each other so that trans people can have a better time without having to educate and suppress our anger all the time.

@cassolotl I hear the last part, and I also hear the...tiredness with explaining (ironically, as you are now) but...I'm just reading your next one.... and that's my point in a nutshell. When it's so little know, but there's an assumption that people should know it and incorporate it into their life, and that they're a bigot if they haven't? That's a regretable assumption.