you telling me a shrimp fried this rice? you employing shrimp? you some kind of pervert now? you getting off on this? you fuck the shrimp out the back while nobody's watching? that's what you're telling me?

an ancient curse lies on this noble line (the curse is that they're all inbred fuckheads)

Played a game of Kill Team using a team of 20 grots because I’m a huge idiot who likes to torture himself. Incredibly, I managed to win on victory points. Hella fun afternoon

the so-called 'fail army' are simply an incompetent waste of taxpayer resources. they cannot be expected to defend this nation. they must be immediately disbanded

tim relayed

Sure, of course you can borrow my time machine. Just as soon as I get it back from the last person I lent it to. But, thinking about it, with a time machine, you should be able to return it instantly, right? So I think they may have erased themselves from history, along with my time machine. C'est la vie

tf is a 'high raw vegan'. real life has too many prestige classes

kids these days are more interested in the movie 'Dune' than in going outside and uhhh trying to stop the desertification of uhhh formerly fertile areas due to climate change, which is the real 'Dune'. I am an op-ed columnist and get paid $200,000 per year

if you find yourself drawing your own meaning from a piece of art then it's actually the artist's fault for not doing a good enough job IMO

Ah, Tuesday… “the Friday of the week”

Ah... looks like Justine has been served [my aides whisper furiously in my ear] Justice. Sorry. Justice has been served. Justine, we'll call you.

it's so fucked up that the extremely spelled-out-for-the-player, absolutely-can't-miss-it point of the Companion Cube gag in Portal was "we stuck a heart on a cube and you formed an emotional attachment to it" but this didn't stop gamers losing their minds over the cube and trying to buy merch of it

tim relayed

Eating hommus is a great way to get plant protein into your diet, but more importantly, it’s also a great way to eat hommus

“Ride or die” you say? Uh, ride please. It’s not even a question.

the main character of any Lovecraftian horror novel is its fhtagonist. thanks for your time

smdh the archfey setting terrifying and inhuman beauty standards for mortals once again

Bricks AND mortar? In this economy? [my house falls over in the background]

imagine being the guy who wanted to call the show "if animals attack" instead of "when animals attack". you'd look like an absolute fucking loon. nobody would want to watch that.

impressing the ladies by getting DOOM running on an abacus but unfortunately on closer inspection they realise it's DOOM 64 and they leave me in disgust

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