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fuck it, installing void, if you never see me agai-

settled on wanting a .moe, either blair.moe or bnw.moe, i like bnw but blair is also cool

as much as I love my navidrome, I'm gonna have to turn it off. I don't have enough space on my pi, but I don't want to go back to spotify, and ALSO I don't have money to pay for YT Music, since I cannot get the student discount, and 10$ a month is money I genuinely don't have.

Spotify seems like my only option.

begpost, help, boosts appreciated 

anyone know a cheap or even free (if that exists?) vps server, im a trans student with no regular income and I would like a place to host some of my things outside my house, because my parents are threatening to plug out my raspberry pi, currently running all my infra.

okay but i get the whole 'ubuntu is corporate backed, its bad' thing but damn it installed first time on my old samsung r530. also if you're gonna say that ubuntu is bad, at least give suggestions of better options.

hihi!

todays my birthday and i really wanna get an emergency fund set up so i can start paying my debts, but haven't been earning enough to get one set up

if anyone could help me with that it'd be an amazing birthday present

paypal.me/shalmii

hey fedi! good morning, how y’all doin?

another question for y’all

im thinking of buying a domain, and i have no idea what the hecc to buy

any ideas?

listening to sewerslvt on my Navidrome instance is a vibe, I got it off bandcamp

An Open Letter to Flowless and Monads: On my mistakes and your even worse bullshit. CW for meta, long post, discussion of racism and sensitive topics 

I want to take some time and do a lengthy response and apology to flowless’s accusation that I’m racist or a nazi based on the screenshot in his pinned post, since Monads folks are back to obsessing over me and going after innocent people merely for associating with me. Their only dirt being a shitty reply I made on April 30th of last year.

To be clear, fuck this person. I do not give a shit about flowless. You are an awful person. You’ve sent death threats to multiple admins across different instances of fedi, you’ve sent sexually harassing images to minors, you defended the invasion and bombings of innocent Ukrainian people, and have had an obsession with me for years now that absolutely qualifies as stalking. Nothing I’ve said and hold myself accountable for here compares to the shit you’ve pulled. You disgust me as a person and I’m glad that it’s mutual. Eat shit, you garbage, pathetic excuse for a human being. 

I post this not for his delicate cishet feelings but for those who stumble on his accusations and want context.

I’m going to break this down into a few parts:

1) The links to the posts 2) The context, my understanding of why it was harmful, and my apology 3) Why this issue popped up amid ongoing tension between myself and Monads 4) Things I’d also ask flowless to address and be accountable for

so: 1) The Accusation

The accusation and screenshotted post is here: https://monads.online/@geesehoward/106155766023169352

The link to the post he screenshotted is here: https://disqordia.space/notice/A6mL3z6U5lcQjM6uKu

I kept it up because deleting it afterwards seems like it would be dishonest and disingenuous, like I’d be trying to escape accountability. I do not wish to do so. I’ve made mistakes, I’m willing to own that.

2) Why I said such a stupid thing, and why I agree that it was harmful regardless of context 



In viewing the context of the post, I was being harassed by his instance but primarily by flowless. Flowless was already engaged in a lengthy harassment campaign against me and this involved harassing everyone around me and close to me. You can see how stressed I was in the entire thread. The post I was replying to is no longer accessible, as the person I replied to has since left fedi.

From what I remember, the context was that flowless was accusing myself, my circle, and everyone on pleroma as “pasty skinned motherfuckers” — the reason for me talking about skin color was because it was already reduced to skin color. My point was not that “but i have black friends” or whatever, obviously that’d be inexcusable, but that Pleroma in general is diverse, and that you can’t simply erase the people of color on this side of fedi. Even the bad actors. Even among the people on pleroma that I find despicable you will find a diversity of races and skin colors. And I say that while also generally distrusting pleroma instances as well. You can argue that there is a white supremacy problem among pleroma instances as nazi instances have been normalized with the rise of pretty fucking terrible instances. That would be true, and Disqordia tries to set itself apart from that — and as a result ends up targeted by nazis far more than any other leftist instance. But to say they’re all white spaces isn’t true. It’s not true of Disqordia, it’s not true of pleroma as a whole. 



My wording was colorist in response to a colorist and inaccurate accusation. I acknowledge that what I said was harmful, and I apologize for it. I will do better, and I have done better since, which is why we’re still arguing over a post from almost a year ago instead of anything recent.

I’ve worked hard since then to think before I post, and to handle the stress of harassment better — but honestly the main thing I’ve learned is that anything that can be taken out of context against me will be taken out of context against me, and that my words will be used against my instance and my friends. So since then I’ve strived to do better, and I’ve added on more admins who hold me accountable for when I’m being shitty. 



3) Why was there tension beforehand? The racism of Monads users

The context of the tensions between myself and Monads started when their instance dogpiled, harassed, and chased a black user off of Kolektiva who went by the username jadedearth or something like that. That user posted about racism within trans spaces and how a lot of trans folks use their transness to shield themselves from criticism of racism. Monads users labeled him a chaser and started posting death threats against him, justifying it by saying that he is a chaser for following trans women and talking about racism within trans spaces, I dont think the response was justified and seemed extremely anti-black, ignorant to the struggles that black users have expressed time and time again as to why they feel uncomfortable even within leftist Mastodon spaces. The user ended up having to move to an instance that blocks Monads just to get the harassment to stop.



I started calling this out when I was on Kolektiva and that essentially started their harassment against me that’s now been going on for a year and a half. 



While I acknowledge that what I said was shitty, uh, fuck no it is not comparable to lengthy anti-black harassment that their instance has done.

4) What flowless needs to be held accountable for



- Defending the invasion and bombing of Ukraine and making jokes about deaths there by suggesting that every person bombed was a nazi

Making death threats to me and justifying it by accusing me of being a “slur sayer” when the only slurs I’ve said are the T and F slurs, in an attempt to reclaim them to undo the damage that having them weaponized against me has done. A trans woman saying the T slur for herself is not harmful. This death threat is viewable posted by flowless in reply to flowless’s screen of me, and I posted the screenshot in the original thread as well.
Issuing death threats to the Kolektiva mods (by suggesting they be beheaded) to force their moderation for behavior that didn’t occur on their instance
flowless boosted and supported my doxxing, which allowed nazis to harass me on other platforms
flowless sent images of sexual paraphenalia to a minor, who goes by chjara. this can be extremely triggering and is not okay to do and does count as sexual harassment.
flowless associates with esvrld on octodon.social, who cheered on a kiwifarms attempt to target me and encourage me to kill myself, and sends uncensored, mislabeled dick pics to users she doesn’t like on fedi — which, regardless of being for “trolling”, is potentially triggering and absolutely counts as sexual harassment
flowless has maintained a campaign of stalking and harassing me for far too long when I’ve asked multiple times for him to cease communicating with me or about me, and has harassed anyone in my proximity 
So who’s worse? Who puts trans women in harm’s way? Who has consistently been a toxic part of fedi? Who acts immune to criticism and never holds themselves accountable? Because I own my mistakes and grow. I don’t pull shit like what he has put myself and so many others through.



Disqordia is a great space that has been able to grow and evolve as a refuge for trans and queer leftists, and regardless of the singular criticism of me, we are not “nazis”, and have done more in fact to tackle actual fascism that plagues pleroma than Monads who spend their time only focused on attacking trans leftists — and to accuse trans leftists as nazis while engaging in a mass harassment campaign against us is fucked up. We denounce you, we do not respect you, and we don’t owe you a thing. You can keep coming after us, but the reality is we’re building a solidarity network that doesn’t have room for transphobic cis dickwads, while you isolate yourself into oblivion and pretend you’ve done nothing wrong.

So, to end this, to flowless and your vile ilk: fuck off, you garbage pieces of shit.

dark mode, i can pay someone to host it yourself
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