thinking of writing a 'how to adult' book to explain all the day-to-day shit that's never taught:

- who cleans the toilet cleaner (spoiler: you)
- what the fuck do you do with an old mattress
- bugs: when are they a problem and when are they chill?
- lifehack: a co-working space with a better movie selection than netflix, no membership fee, and professional researchers on location, all for FREE (a millennial re-discovers libraries)
- turning strangers into friends

any other ideas people have?

- the benefits of becoming 'a regular
- you shouldn't need google maps when in your home city/town. here's how to do that
- my parents always had food in the fridge, but mine is always empty. am i doing something wrong?

@communeva there are many and it really depends on the place (a regular at a cafe, bookstore, music venue, park, etc)

sometimes it is material (i get my first coffee free), but the most important thing is all of the other regulars and staff become "familiar strangers", which is the first step in making new friends, helps you begin to feel at home in a place, and decreases the atomization/loneliness/isolation/etc that seems to be designed into (at least in the U.S.) cities

@paranoid that's true! I will consider that in the future.

@communeva @paranoid One way to speed up becoming a regular: ask service staff how THEY'RE doing and listen. This is such a small thing, but it's shockingly rare. Showing someone that you see their humanity encourages them to see yours and that's sort of the center of being a regular: You and the other people there see each other as full people.

@benhamill
So true, but don't force it. If they say "good" and give you a please-go-away look, then maybe they are busy/tired/sick/etc

It will be obvious when they want to get into a real convo (ok, maybe neurotypically obvious(dunno if that's how to say what I mean)

I would need to figure out more concrete social cues for people who have a harder time with that stuff before I was comfortable recommending it)

@communeva

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@paranoid @communeva Yes good agree.

My heuristic is that if they give a brief or canned response, that's fine and you should move on and order. If you see them a few times and do this, maybe their behavior will change.

Also, you can sometimes cue people that you'd be open to hearing a deeper answer to the question by going beyond "fine" or whatever when they ask (and waitstaff in particular almost always ask, IME). Don't go into detail, but maybe, "Been a long day, but it's winding down," or something.

@paranoid @communeva Oh! Or you can make your question slightly off-script: "How're your evening going?" or "How are YOU?" (not the flirty emphasis) and similar can show that you're open to hearing an answer without making someone feel compelled to complain about their roommate or whatever.

@benhamill @paranoid @communeva i'm a big fan of a hearty "how ya doin there!?" with eye contact. but that might be a bit Minnesota for some places idk lol

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