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i like how, when i'm using the front-facing camera and i have the phone at a low angle, the camera app is like, "are you sure? like, really sure? you don't want to lift the camera a little bit? you don't think that might be a better angle?"

checking out at the pet store, an old lady turned to us and asked if we wanted to see something. we said yes, so she opened up her coat, revealing a yorkie in a sweater.

it would also be easier if my intestines worked right

and if i enjoyed more vegetables

and if half the vegetables i do enjoy didn't cause me physical pain

meal prepping lunches for the week would be a lot easier if i didn't demand novelty instead of doing the smart thing and alternating between four good recipes every month

i talk shit about midwestern white people who don't know what to do with a vegetable but i struggle to eat a carrot that isn't almost-mushy and covered in butter and brown sugar

these carrot noodles seemed like a good idea but they're too crunchy and I don't actually like carrots that much, this sucks

it's also very Small Town Hetero But Not In A Romance Novel Way so i don't think i'm going to finish it actually

the homeopathy thing just totally broke my magical immersion

book: this woman has magical healing powers in the modern world
me: okay cool
book: she's really into herbal teas
me: i guess that makes sense
book: also homeopathy
me: ... hm.

i might never be over the visible culture shock of these polite canadians watching americans and the french unite to cheer this unfortunate clumsy waiter

when i went on a tour of paris our tour group was a mix of americans and canadians, and once while getting dinner a waiter dropped a tray of dishes and broke some. all the americans immediately started applauding, as is tradition, but so did the french, while the canadians looked on in silent horror.

i have GOT to stop thinking "whamst" as a response to things because one of these days it's going to slip out

love not being able to find a single fucking thing because shoving shit into a box/bag/cupboard so no one has to look at it is the same thing as cleaning

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