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I want a maid outfit but it needs to very clearly communicate that I'll put my feet up on the table if I want to, and if you ask me to clean something I'm gonna tell you to clean it yourself. maybe if I like someone I might occasionally fix them a simple meal but they better be goddamn grateful if I do.

Pavlov is drinking at a bar. Another patron walks in, and the bell on the door chimes.

Pavlov jumps up. “Oh shit! I forgot to feed the dog!”

i keep forget that to most gamers "crossplay" means something other than what it means in a cosplay context

i thought the cis boys in my last remaining game-centric friend circle were gonna dress up cute to play FFXIV

ph, weather(-) 

Okay, I've been sick for a few days, but I'm finally feeling better and it's time to get some exercise! (it starts raining) Hmm.

"Regardless of what symbol a person wears, what shrine they are at, what name or title or honorific they say, every prayer is actually addressed 'To Whom It May Concern'."
"Sounds plausible, but why are you telling me this, Siri?"
"You have fifty seven million new messages."
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories

i tried taking that self care advice that says you should act like you're dating yourself but then my self broke up with me over text and now all my friends are trying to talk me out of getting back together with my toxic ex-self

what if fifteen years ago someone on the Unicode consortium wished that their work was more visible and every finger on the monkey's paw curled in at once

I think we need to stop literally all technological development until we can make progress bars that accurately indicate progress.

someone needs to figure out why the fuck computers will, when trying to load shit, zip along to 99% complete in two seconds and then take five minutes (or never) to get the last 1%

that's not how anything works

"As a reward for freeing me," the genie said, "I will grant you a wish."
"I want everyone to know their score."
"What score?"
"Their impact on other people and the world. All positive minus all negative."
"Know that this wish will put you in the negative."
"Oh. Nevermind then."
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories

"An original comic set in an ancient-Japanese-inspired world where monster slayer Geralt trails the mythical Snow Maiden…"

there are some elements in this sentence that are not adding up

the major's "gentlemen, I love war" speech is just him talking about how much he loves playing paradox games

one of the most important things I've learned as a queer adult is how to be frustrated with people without it meaning I hate or dislike them. Everyone I know does little shit that bothers me, or sometimes acts awful due to trauma/coping mechanisms/etc, learning how to be genuinely annoyed or frustrated or hurt without turning it into "and thus I condemn and judge you", rather just sometimes being annoyed and then moving on cause ya love people and we're all growing, is good

Not she/her as in girl, but she/her as in the same gender as a boat/car/hurricane.

Because I so dearly love it when humans play along when computers ask for silly things, I have generated drawing prompts for #botober2021!

I've managed to get GPT-3 to follow themes. Here's "animals". The rest are at this link:

okay but "broken noose of judas" would be a fucking kickass metal band name

I kinda wonder if there's any good Matrix-y superpower video games, aside from Saints Row 4.

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