I'm gonna be real w/ y'all

there was a period of time when I was a young child - already knew I was a girl, of course - where I simply didn't understand heterosexuality

what I mean by that is, I took a lot of social signifiers and tropes VERY literally

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like my mom hated my dad, and they were divorced. every show I saw on TV said that men and women hated each other, even while married! a lot of my mom's friends were gay so I heard the term "man-hating lesbian" and, it felt redundant? men and women hate each other! that's canon!

i kept hearing about "maternal/paternal instincts" and assuming that heterosexuality was a mere consequence of some kind of delusional fugue state, like penguins going to the South Pole.

"well thank god I'm a girl who's into girls and don't have any of those. yikes."

I was a kid who had intensely high INT but, uh, somewhat low WIS. please understand.

anyway, I re-rolled my char about ten years ago and swapped the INT and the WIS stats, and now i'm incredibly wise but can't remember the god damned fucking reading for 下 if my life depended on it

anyway yeah I was an extremely literal child who didn't get nuance and I think in a lot of ways I dodged a lot of subconscious emotional patterns. i never learned that relationships ought to be adversarial, never learned that child-rearing was the ultimate goal, etc.

I grew up being firmly aware that lesbianism existed, which seemed to be the default and "correct" way of things (according to my own logic, nobody had EVER told me such, lol). I was still, somehow, surprised to find out gay men existed.

I mean, it was a little bit self-serving, since I came to these "conclusions" after figuring out I was a girl who liked girls (which I also figured out pretty young, same as magic and plurality actually... age 8 or 9?).

But anyway. My brain isn't, uh, typical. Heh.

And like, I'm gonna be real

Being gay feels strictly-emotionally easier than being straight some days?

Like not economically or socially? Just internally. Obviously we're still oppressed and there's violence. I mean more generally than that.

I've seen in straight relationships where even two people who know better than to stereotype based on gender, they're slowly coerced into doing so by thousands of little micro aggressions telling them they'd be "more accepted" if they conformed to traditional roles.

And of course humans being social creatures, it's easy to fall into that trap.

But if you're a lesbian and an onlooker can't easily discern b/t "which one is the man/woman" they usually just blank out. No social script for it. You get spared all that stuff by technical default.

It's easier because there's no idyllic social role for you to fill once you're out of the closet. You're the Other forever. I've pretty much never not been the Other and while it sucks to not have a "place" or "roots" it can also be very freeing.

Straight people. Ramble re: family 

@AmyZenunim ugh, my parents are so much like this it’s sad. My mom was kinda a radical feminist in college (mostly in the good, not terfy, way, thank god) and may well be repressing enby feels, but she and my dad still couldn’t resist the siren song of patriarchal bourgeois gendered norms, and she stopped working for 10 years.

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