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weight discussion (+) 

i've lost 5ish pounds since i started biking 3-4 times a week (close to two weeks ago), and 7-8lbs since i started running a mild + nutritionally balanced caloric deficit close to a month ago

i think it's mostly water weight so far, bc i've been eating less sugar and simple carbs, and haven't been running a big enough deficit to lose that much. i still feel pretty good about it

about a month and a half ago i gained the ability to see my mom's constant and incorrigible fatshaming during my childhood as what it was--vile abusive shit--and quit giving a fuck about it. now i can quiet the copy of her shouting in my head and exercise/eat well for my own sake. and that's all it is; obv i like that i'm losing weight (living in a society will do that, internalized fatphobia is still a thing i have even if i recognize it), but i know from experience that i wouldn't be doing cardio 3x/wk if i didn't enjoy it for its own sake (and i DO enjoy it)

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